Terry Jones
West Linn, OR
I have created a curriculum called the Elderhood Reflection Series. I offer classes using this material.
When I first learned about elderhood and its opportunities and responsibilities, I wanted to meet people who had embraced this nurturing role. I listed what I felt were qualities of an elder, wrote them down and carried them in my wallet. My card said an elder is someone who:
-Is seasoned, and a source of life-giving energy
-Knows their limitations and is skillful
-Has an unconquerable spirit
-Is knowledgeable, aware and filled with insight
-Is intuitive, passionate, spiritual and sensuous
I went from person to person asking if anyone knew men who fit that description. In that my research at that earlier time was primarily about men, I wrote a book entitled “The Elder Within: The Source of Mature Masculinity.” But I identified many men and women deserving of the title of elder.
I believe an elder is any older person who is committed to sharing her or his wisdom and remaining accessible to those who might be served. She or he is willing to let go of their biases about aging and confront their mortality. Anyone willing to forgive those who harmed them and release the wasted energy used for holding grudges can embrace elderhood, that spiritual stage of development that comes after adulthood. Elders seek out the young to be an advocate for them and make their life journey more meaningful.
As Doug did. As manager of human resources in a large company, he supervised Ivy, a younger woman who coordinated benefits for employees. She was known as the “iron lady” because of her stern and aggressive interpersonal style. But the mere experience of being around Doug caused her to change. One notable day, Doug went to her after she had explained to an employee, rationally but impatiently, how the employee’s health insurance didn’t cover marriage counseling. Doug said to her, “Ivy, the employee was revealing to you indirectly that he had marital problems. He was looking for information, which you gave him. However, he could have been seeking help.”
“Are you saying I should be his marriage counselor?” Ivy responded defensively.
“You are the benefits manager in a department of human resources. You have knowledge about resources that he doesn’t have. You could both listen briefly and refer him.” Doug said.
“I didn’t think of that. I moved too quickly didn’t I?” Ivy concluded.
Ivy went on to become a very good human resource manager herself. She was stirred by Doug’s natural ability to reach into the hearts of other people. Generative people like Doug access a balance of masculine and feminine energies from the human soul and psyche, that quality of interpersonal connection that empowers others.
Elder workers have discovered a generative model for moving from “adulthood” to “elderhood.” Older people today are fully capable of rediscovering their spiritual radiance and maintaining their social responsibilities as wisdomkeepers, earthkeepers, mentors and celebrants, sources of blessing.